What is it with Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump?

I have a theory. But first, let’s recap.

Both achieved their high-profile positions, before gaining the ultimate prize in each of their countries, because of their fathers.

Kim’s daddy got the top job because his daddy gave it to him and so he gave it to Kim. Donald’s dad made sure he received a firm grounding in how to lie and cheat and grind to dust all opposition on his way to the top.

After many years observing Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump I have come to a number of conclusions.

1 – their narcissism is at brutal levels and there is much evidence to suggest both are psychopaths.

2 – they are incapable of self-reflection.

3 – they are incapable of forming ideas, concepts or coherent policies

4 – neither manifests what is generally referred to as intelligence or empathy.

5 – they have rat cunning

When you see them on tv or hear them on radio, it is as though you are listening to an empty vessel pour out nonsense that someone recently poured in and they must pour out or they will drown.

You know the sort, they have no words of their own and only ever utter words of others.

The boy Kim’s voice sounds like it runs through gravel before arriving outside his mouth. He only ever reads, quickly, without pause, or emphasis. And his reading is followed by applause you would expect to see only in a Leni Riefenstahl film. He is clearly stupid but can read.

As for Trump, listen close, when not reading, he has no control over his sentence structure and if it hadn’t been for his dad he would be working the front desk of a complaints department for the immigration department, a telecommunications company, or your health insurer, somewhere where confusing the customer is a vital skill.

The big question is – Who is writing their speeches, or pouring liquid nonsense into the vacuums?

Their speeches, obviously, will be written by speech writers, but where do the ideas come from? Who is getting inside their heads?

Easy.

What else do they have in common?

Hair.

Both have hair that does not stand or sit of its own volition. They do not wake up in the morning with the stuff ready set. Their hair requires work. They must sit for hours in a chair having the follicles arranged. It’s always in place. Never out.

Given neither of them read, they aren’t glued to a book while their heads are re-arranged.

Let’s guess – three hours each day?

Are you with me? You sussed the theory?

Hairdressers.

No one gets closer to another human being than hairdressers and dentists. No-one has more power over a sitting client.

Except proctologists, but we can exclude them because if either of the lads required proctological treatment, you can be sure it would be quick and the examiner thrown out with the glove and the bath water.

And it’s not dentists because Jong-un’s teeth are nothing much and Trump’s are what you would expect from an American reality tv star.

It has to be hairdressers.

In Korea and the US, there are two evil dressers handling the follicles.

Let’s remind ourselves and ask Wikipedia for a definition.  

Hair is a protein filament that grows from follicles found in the dermis, or skin. Hair is one of the defining characteristics of mammals. Attitudes towards different hair, such as hairstyles and hair removal, vary widely across different cultures and historical periods, but it is often used to indicate a person's personal beliefs or social position, such as their age, sex, or religion.

Let’s examine that last sentence with reference to our psychopaths.

Their extravagant hairdos suggest they are above and beyond the rest of us and were born to control everything and everybody.

The question of their social position is irrelevant because they are immortal and omnipresent.

They are both ageless, high performers, vigorous lovers and their sperm count would make Genghis Khan blush.

Of course, such suggestions are ridiculous and absurd. They are both idiots and there are two hairdressers, maybe working together, maybe part of a sinister ISIS plot to encourage hated regimes to exterminate each other, manipulating the brains of these two, imbecilic children.

Believe me, I know the type. I went to an English style boarding school in the early sixties and if it hadn’t been for the evil school barber, I wouldn’t have got into all that trouble.